Years ago I sat in my dear friends living room pouring my heart out to her. I had just come out of a four year relationship that was incredibly damaging and I was broken beyond anything I had ever known. I was hurt, angry, lost, confused, but mostly, I felt unlovable. These evenings on her couch continued for three months. Every week I would go and sit with her while she prayed with me, spoke truth back into my heart, and reminded me of my worth in Jesus Christ. As my heart began to heal, I asked her how long would I have to wait for the man God has for me. She told me, “sometimes we have to wait a while because the man God has for us isn’t ready for us just yet.” So I resolved to wait.
Looking back over the last 5 years I can see just how little “waiting” I actually did. Once I figured my heart was healed enough, I set out to find myself again. This launched me into a season of searching. Not waiting. Searching for what I wanted in my future spouse. Searching for who God really is to me. Searching for my purpose here on earth. I fought against my upbringing. I wrestled with the church. I tested scripture. I got angry. I shared beautiful moments with friends. I cried. I laughed. I messed up and I learned.
Then I met Jaymes and everything began to make sense. It wasn’t him who I was supposed to wait on. It was me. I wasn’t ready. I needed time to become who I always knew I was supposed to be. Sure, I may have been able to do that alongside him had we met years ago, but I am so thankful we didn’t. I am so thankful God had Jaymes wait for me. It’s been a long time running and searching and doubting and it feels good to stop. To breathe. To see God’s plan unfolding right before my eyes.
No, there is no ring on my finger and I can’t fully claim him as mine just yet, but there is something about this man that feels like home. He feels like peace and purpose and security all wrapped into one. Yes, waiting is hard, but I urge you to continue to wait, because somewhere out there is a girl or guy who is searching and learning and becoming the man or woman God has always longed for them to be. And you may never see all they went through to get to you, but trust me when I say, they will be eternally gratefully you waited. I know I am.
Thank you for waiting, my Love! I am eternally grateful and I love you so very much!