"I am here, I am here
I've already seen the bottom, so there's nothing to fear
I know that I'll be ready when the devil is near"
- P!nk, I Am Here
Last night as I was drifting off to sleep, this paralyzing fear came over me that I am wasting away my life... That somehow I've missed the boat on my dreams and desires. I fell asleep with this on my mind and woke up today ready to change that mindset. As I have spent time in the Word today and in prayer with my Jesus, I reflected on how much life I have LIVED over the past 29 years! I reflected on all of the joys and sorrows, all of the lessons learned, all of the heartache as well as all of the love. Satan loves to get under my skin with my singleness and my seemingly directionless life and at times it works, but I will not let it knock me down. I am here!
God has been unbelievably evident in my life over the course of my life and all I have to do is sit quiet for a moment and He beings to show me His presence over and over again! As a child, I grew up with incredible parents who loved Jesus and pointed me in His direction. As a middle schooler and high schooler, Jesus gave me my dear friend, Emily, who would continually point me back to Him even when I didn't always see it that way. In college, I had the incredible blessing of attending several different universities in order to gain my degree. Being able to visit and jump around gave me a much more well rounded view of my college years and gave me the opportunity to meet and become friends with so many different groups and people! College also allowed me the choice to choose Jesus for the first time all on my own. To finally decide I am His and He is mine. Did I always choose Him, not at all. I failed over and over again, but even in the years of choosing my own path over His, He never left my side and it made choosing Him again that much more sweet. After college, my life became a crazy adventure of job after job after job. Every single job I have had since graduating college has given me amazing opportunities to educate, inspire, and encourage others. Every job laid the foundation for the next job. And every job gave me connections I would have otherwise never had had I never said goodbye to one and yes to other! I can get bogged down with all of the directional changes my life has taken over the last six years of adulthood, but I know He has me exactly where He wants me and there are many more changes ahead!
As an adult, I have been given the chance to know love and give love in return. I have been able to know what it feels like to love someone so much it hurts and to know the hurt that comes from knowing they aren't who Jesus called me to be with the rest of my life. Singleness can feel like a jail cell at times... a cell I have locked myself in due to decisions I have made... and this is exactly how Satan wants me to feel. Trapped, locked up, and unknown. But, this is not how God sees me! He knows the choices I have made and He knows where my heart was at when I made those decisions and He continually wraps His arms around me and reminds me I AM FREE! I am free in Him! I am HERE! Adulthood has been full of ups and downs and unknowns and moments of anger and freedom and loss... but above all, I have been here for all of it. I walked through all of it, I felt all of it, I acknowledge all of it, and I am not alone in any of it.
So, when the devil is near and wants to tear you down and make you feel unknown and washed up, remember YOU ARE HERE! You are not dead, but very much ALIVE! And if you call Jesus your Savior, you are very much ALIVE IN HIM! What a place to be! How I needed this reminder today!
My fearless wanderers, you are HERE! And if for some reason you feel lost, remember that it won't ever be 'fixed' but it can be changed by changing the direction you are headed. I believe in you and Jesus believes in you and loves you so very much!!
All my love,
Your Fearless Wanderer